Vague Haze of Delirium
by Halawen
Summary: Eli is about to graduate and move to New York but he refuses to leave without taking something with him that will leave Clare damaged. Can she get through it with the help and support of Adam, Dallas, Jake and Darcy? One Shot, please read A/Ns.


**Welcome to this one shot. First things first this is dedicated to Mary who requested it.**

 **Legal: I am not associated with nor do I own DeGrassi or Epitome in anyway**

 **All the important things to know before reading~**

 ***Cannon up to Time of My Life except that graduation isn't the day after prom**

 ***Clare does not have cancer, there is no cancer scare and she will not get cancer**

 ***Dallas never liked Alli but she did break up with Dave**

 **Okay the rest is explained in the story so enjoy**

 **Vague Haze of Delirium**

 **(ELI)**

I watched Clare dancing with Alli, she should be at prom with me but she wouldn't even talk to me. So she came with Alli and I came alone, the junior and the senior prom were being held together this year to save money or something. Maybe Simpson was just worried about another incident like last year who knows, but I only came because I knew Clare would be here. I watched her dance, watched her body move in the tight dress that made her bust look like it might bust out. I was leaving for New York in a couple of weeks, but weeks ago I had become determined not to leave Toronto without taking Clare's virginity with me and I knew tonight was my best opportunity.

"Eli let it go, you screwed up, maybe you two can be friends again given enough time. When you come back at Christmas or something maybe she'll be talking to you again. I mean I doubt she'll talk to you before graduation or before you leave for New York," Adam comments coming over to me.

"I have Adam," I smirk at him patting his back. "Just one last look that's all," I assure our mutual best friend.

"Yeah well don't look too long it's creepy. I'm going to dance with Grace," Adam says. He began dating Grace a month ago after she helped with an arrangement on a Whisper Hug song. They make a good couple and I hope she can make him happy, unlike that bitch Becky.

I continue to watch Clare, following her at a distance until my opportunity presents itself to me. Clare goes to get some punch, she takes it and walks to over to Dave, talking with him a few minutes she sets her drink down and they both have their backs to me. I take the powder from my pocket, a little something Talia gave me and assured me it would knock someone out for hours so Clare would never know. I pour it into Clare's drink and swirl it around to mix it in, then slip away before they see me but stay close enough to watch and wait for it take effect. It only takes a few minutes before she stops talking and holds her hand to her head.

"Clare? You okay?" Dave asks putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Kind of dizzy, I think I'm getting a little hot. I'm just going to go splash some water on my face in the washroom," she tells him.

"You want me to walk you?" Dave offers.

"No I'll be okay," she replies and then begins slowly making her way to the girl's washroom. I follow her at a distance, watching until she falters near the wall and then I run over and catch her arms.

"You don't look so good Clare, maybe you should lie down," I tell her.

"Eli?" She questions gripping my shirt. She tries to look at me but by the way she's blinking I don't think her eyes can focus.

"It's me, I got you. I have a room upstairs I'll take you to lie down," I say in a soothing tone and then pick her up into my arms.

"O…okay, I probably should lie down. I don't know what's wrong with me," she comments putting her arms around my neck and her head on my shoulder.

"Maybe someone spiked the punch," I reply walking out and hitting the button for the elevator. She's totally out before we even get up to the room.

I manage to get the door open with Clare in my arms and kick it closed before lying Clare on the bed. I get her shoes and stockings off but I want her totally naked. Her dress is tight though and I can't figure out these closures, why do girls clothes have to be so fucking complicated? I give up and take out the scissors I brought, I came prepared for everything. I just cut her dress at the sleeves and then straight down the middle. I pull it from underneath her and toss the dress away. I cut off her panties and bra too mostly because it's arousing to cut her clothes off, kinda wish I'd done that to begin with. She hasn't even moved this whole time, she's totally out. I step back a moment to admire her naked body, a body I've been dreaming about and denied for so long now.

I draw my finger over her body, her silken skin develops goosebumps where my finger touches her and I smirk. Then I take her breasts in my hand and squeeze, I have been dreaming of squeezing these breasts and they feel incredible, better than I dreamed. My hands leave her breasts, drawing down her body and combing through her pubic hair. Finally, I spread her legs and inhale her scent, I open her pussy lips and look at the hole I'm about to take as I get undressed. I get a condom from my bag tearing it open and rubbing myself a couple times to get completely hard. Then I put the condom on, get on the bed taking hold of my shaft and position to spear in and claim her virginity.

 **(CLARE)**

I see Eli grinning at me, and I kind of feel like I'm floating or rocking. I can only see a small area and everything else is black, I must be dreaming but then I'm sure I feel Eli's lips when he kisses me and then everything goes black again.

There's nothing just dark.

I get my eyes open again and Eli looks different, happy yet like he conquered something; smug. His eyes pierce into mine, he smirks at me.

"I've been waiting a long time for this Clare," he tells me and my body shivers but it's like he's talking somewhere else and he isn't really here.

Suddenly I feel ill and I think that this is a very odd dream before my heavy eyelids close again. More dark, nothing but dark and heavy until my eyes shoot open the next morning. They shoot open on instinct like harm was going to come to me but when I look around I'm alone. I feel strange, floaty yet weighty. My body feels so strange, like it's so much heavier than it should be and as if I'm incomplete somehow. I sit up and my head pounds, everything below the waist burns and feels painful. I suddenly realize I'm naked, I pull the blanket around me and I know I was raped! It wasn't a dream last night Eli really was here, he was having sex with me while I was unconscious and out of it. I thought I was dreaming but instead I was in a real nightmare.

This realization washes over me and I suddenly feel very ill, I can't even make it to the washroom I just look over the side of the bed and vomit. And then I can't stop shaking, I burst into tears and look around for my clothes, the only thing still intact is my tights and shoes. I look for my purse, pulling the bed sheet around me, trying to stand but my legs are shaking so badly and my eyes blurred by tears. I crawl around the bed finding my purse on the floor, get out my phone and call the last number dialed, I can't even remember who I called last.

"Clare what happened to you? You disappeared at prom," Adam says and I'm relieved it's him and to hear his voice.

"Adam I…Eli…"

"Eli what? Clare where are you?" Adam asks his voice filled with worry.

"Still at the hotel," I tell him wiping some tears and taking a deep breath so I can speak, "I think Eli got a room. 224," I tell him after looking at the room phone.

"We're coming okay just stay there. Drew and Bianca stayed at the hotel too do you want me to call them?"

"No just please come," I plead and then begin to sob heavily and hang up.

After putting my phone down I curl into a ball and sob heavily, holding my legs close to my chest I can't stop crying or shaking. I'm not sure how long I cry but I don't move until I hear a knock at the door and Adam calls through. I get up wrapping the sheet tightly around myself to answer the door. Adam looks at me with worried eyes, gently putting his hand on my arm to bring me back into the room and Dallas comes in behind him.

"Clare what happened? Where's Eli?" Adam asks.

"He…he…" I try to tell them he raped me but I'm crying so hard and shaking that I can't get the words out. I try to say it and what little I do remember comes rushing back, I just sort of crumple to the floor and wrap the sheet around me as tight as it will go.

Adam sits next to me putting an arm around me while I cry. Even through my tears I see Dallas going to the bed, his fingers run over something on the sheet. He then sees my dress holding it up and seeing it cut.

"That fucking bastard," Dallas growls putting my dress down.

"What?" Adam asks.

"Clare did Eli rape you?" Dallas inquires and all I can do is nod.

"Eli ra…why w…how could h…" Adam trips over his words unable to grasp that Eli could do such a thing. I can barely believe it myself. "I'm calling Mom," Adam says getting up.

He gets out his cell phone to call his parents and Dallas sits next to me, he puts his arms around me and gently strokes my hair. It's a little odd but his embrace is extremely comforting right now, it even makes me feel safe. Maybe it's just that someone I trusted betrayed me deeply and Dallas is being sweet right now. I cry on Dallas' shoulder unaware of everything else until I feel another hand on my arm and look up to see Audra giving me a compassionate look.

"I brought you some clothes Sweetie, some sweats and underwear. You can change in the washroom and we'll take you to the hospital. Your mom will meet us there and the cops are on the way to collect evidence from the room," Audra tells me handing me a bag.

"Thanks," I nod trying to smile but I don't know if I manage to do so.

I try to stand but my legs shake and I realize I'm still holding onto Dallas, he just gives me a sweet smile and picks me up. He carries me into the washroom and sets me down, just before he closes the door he tells me he'll be waiting right outside the door. After a couple deep breaths I manage to stop shaking enough that I can get dressed. Moving is uncomfortable and my pelvic area burns but I get dressed. I can't stomach to look in the mirror to see myself, and I'm sure I look terrible but I don't care at the moment. I leave the washroom and Dallas is standing right there, he gives me another sweet smile and holds his hand out to me.

"You can ride to the hospital with us or with my parents," Adam tells me as I take Dallas' hand.

"With you," I reply quietly.

Dallas puts an arm around me and walks me down to Audra's minivan which they must have come in. Adam drives and I sit in the passenger seat with Dallas behind me. When we get to the hospital Mom, Glen and Jake are here. Mom rushes over and hugs me tightly blubbering about something. Glen puts a hand on my shoulder and then Jake hugs me.

"I can't believe he went that far, actually I can but I'm going to kill him anyway," Jake says.

"Clare," Officer Turner's voice surprises me and I turn to look at him, "they have a room ready for your exam."

"We'll be right out here," Jake assures me.

I follow a female doctor back to an exam room, I have to undress and a female nurse takes all kinds of pictures of me. If that weren't embarrassing enough I'm forced to undergo a terribly embarrassing exam, it's fairly painful too with the vaginal exam. When it's all over with I actually feel worse than before. The nurse takes me out and Mom rushes over hugging me and sobbing, between her sobs I hear her say Darcy's name. I think she's blubbering about this happening to me and Darcy but she's hard to understand and she's hugging me so tightly I can hardly breathe.

"We should get you home," Glen says.

"I want to go to Adam's, please. I need my friends," I pleadingly request. I do need my friends but honestly my mom's a little nuts right now and I can't take it. Audra and Omar are at least calm and I'll feel safe with Adam and Dallas.

"She can come to our house we'll take care of her," Audra says and I give her a grateful smile.

"Good you watch her, I'm going to get Mo and Owen and rip Eli's head off," Jake comments.

"Eli is at the police station Jake and it won't do you any good to beat him up," Officer Turner tells him.

"Why don't you come to the house too, Clare would probably feel better," Dallas offers.

"Yeah," Jake replies after I nod to him.

"Clare a detective will need a statement from you when you're ready. You can call me or call the detective," Officer Turner says handing Omar and Glen business cards.

I nod again and we walk out to the parking lot. The four of us get into Audra's minivan and Adam drives again but this time I sit in the back with Dallas and Jake sits in the passenger seat. When we get to the Torres house Drew and Bianca are here watching a movie but they pause it when we come in and come over to us.

"That piece of shit, he really did lose his mind this time," Bianca comments giving me a hug.

"How you doin' Veep?" Drew asks. I can only shrug in reply.

We stay in the basement all day watching movies, I don't really watch I'm stuck in my head. I watch every moment I've ever had with Eli play over and over in my head. I'm not sure if everyone else knows I'm lost in my head or thinks I'm just spacing out on the movie. I sit in the sofa between Adam and Dallas, I'm holding Dallas' hand although I never remember taking it. Audra orders us pizza for dinner but I don't eat.

"You want to sleep here tonight?" Dallas offers and I nod. "You can take my bed and I'll sleep out here on the sofa in case you need anything," Dallas tells me.

"Thanks," I whisper and he gives me a gentle smile.

 **(DALLAS)**

"No Eli stop," Clare cries in her sleep and it wakes me up.

Knowing she's having a nightmare I hop up and run into my room. I turn on my bedside light and shake her gently.

"Clare, Clare wake up it's a dream."

She sits up rapidly, breathing hard and clings to me. I rub her back a moment waiting for her to calm down. She wipes her tears and lets go of me as she brings her knees to her chest.

"In the dream I was awake for everything, begging Eli to stop but he wouldn't," she tells me and I feel her begin to shake again. I sit behind her and put my arms around her hoping she's comforted by my touch. "How could he do that? After all that we've shared? How could he drug me and steal my virginity?"

"I don't know how any man could do that, whether he knows the girl or not. It's not like a surprising kiss," I comment. I feel her laugh just a little for my reference to kissing her after she told me about Asher and it makes me smile.

"It happened to my sister," she tells me.

"What did?"

"She was drugged and raped on a ski trip. She didn't remember anything she thought she'd gotten drunk and had sex with her boyfriend. I was 13 then, she hid it from me, from all of us but she unraveled. My parents thought she was just being a rebellious teenager, even I thought that. And then she tried to commit suicide and it all came out," Clare confesses and begins crying a little harder.

"But you're not hiding it Clare, people do know and Eli is being questioned, you know who raped you. If you feel like you're unraveling then tell me or Adam, we'll keep you together," I assure her and I feel her take my hand.

"Thanks Dallas. I know we haven't always gotten along but I do appreciate how supportive you're being," she says softly and I squeeze her hand. "I didn't understand it at the time but now I know why Darcy broke down the way she did," she says after a few moments of silence.

"Can you get back to sleep?" I ask her after a moment and she shakes her head. "You want to watch a movie?" I question and she nods.

I help her up and we go out to the living room, she gets comfortable on the sofa and I pick out a children's movie, mostly because it doesn't have a complex plot but does have a happy ending and right now that's what Clare needs. She's sleeping in the sweats Audra and Omar brought her at the hotel. I sit down with her and we spend the rest of the night watching movies. Jake comes over early to check on Clare, she's awake but she says she's not hungry and she hasn't moved from the sofa. Audra makes pancakes hoping it will encourage Clare to eat but she never does. A little after eleven Glen comes over, he says the lab found narcotics including an animal tranquilizer in Clare's system, low doses but enough that they aren't at all surprised that she was knocked out for 14 hours. In fact, they're surprised she remembers anything or could wake up at all. The cops also found a used condom they're sending for DNA testing and since Eli booked the room and Clare remembers him it's enough to have him arrested. Glen says the judge will sign the warrant Monday and asks if Clare is ready to give her statement. She doesn't look ready to me but she nods a little and leaves with Glen and Jake.

We don't hear from her for the rest of the day, Jake does send a text saying they were at the police station for over three hours. She left in tears and after taking a shower went straight to bed. When we get to school Monday neither Clare nor Eli is here. Adam hears from Dave that Eli was arrested and is at the station, Jake tells us Clare stayed home sick but he's pretty sure she didn't sleep at all last night. He's worried about her and he e-mailed Darcy to tell her about Clare's rape. I try to text her to see how she is but she only replies to say that she's not feeling well and might be at school tomorrow. After what she told me about her sister I'm worried about her and so is Jake. When we get to school Tuesday morning we see Clare pulling in with Jake and we go over.

"Felling better?" I ask although as soon as it leaves my mouth it sounds like a stupid question.

"Yeah," she says quietly.

"What's he doing here?" Drew growls and I know without looking that it's Eli.

Clare looks between us and sees Eli coming up the steps and then she takes off running. Adam and I follow her leaving Jake and Drew to deal with Eli. She runs through the school to the storage room and sinks down on the sofa, breaking into tears again. Adam and I both hold her, searching for something to say but she's the first to break the silence.

"I can't be here with him here I want to go home," she tells us in a pleading voice.

"Stay with her I'll go find Jake and talk to Simpson," Adam says hugging Clare before he gets up and leaves the storage room.

"I promise I won't let him near you," I assure Clare.

"I know but I don't even want to look at him," she replies leaning into me a little and I hold her closer.

It's about twenty minutes before Adam returns and he says Simpson is allowing Clare to go home and Jake can take her. We both walk her out to Jake and she says goodbye, I watch them leave before returning to class. Finals were last week and I know Clare isn't missing much at school but she doesn't return all week. Adam and I both went over to check on Clare each day after school. Drew came with us a couple times and Bianca came with us once. All she would say is that she wasn't ready to come back yet. On Friday, the last day of school, everyone wants to see her but Jake says she's not up for a lot of company. He does let me and Adam go see her though.

"Everyone asked about you, they wanted to come see you but Jake stopped them," Adam tells her.

"Bianca, Owen and Jake are graduating tomorrow are you going to come watch?" I ask her.

"No Eli's graduating too and I don't want to be anywhere near him," she replies.

"He is graduating but he won't be at the ceremony," Adam tells her and she looks at him. "Simpson won't allow it, he's being sent his diploma. I talked to Officer Turner too, he said they'd have the results from the DNA test soon and when it matches Eli he'll be given the opportunity to plead guilty. The sentence will probably be a little lighter but you won't have to see him in court."

"I hope he pleads guilty I never want to see his face again," she replies.

"Eli won't be there, will you come to the graduation ceremony tomorrow? I'll save you a seat between me and Adam," I tell her and she looks at her hands.

"I'll think about it. I'm tired now," she says and lies down on her bed so Adam and I leave her room.

"We tried to get her to come to the graduation ceremony but all she said was she'd think about it. Even though we assured her Eli wouldn't be there," I tell Jake when we come downstairs.

"I'm worried about her, she's depressed, she barely eats, she hardly leaves her room and she won't talk to or see hardly anyone. She keeps saying she just can't stand to see Eli but even when he's not around she stays in her room. I wish I knew what to do for her," Jake comments shaking his head sadly.

"Yeah," I nod putting my hand on his shoulder, "me too."

 **(DARCY)**

It's very early when I arrive home but my key still works. I'd been on all night flight and took a cab home. After getting Jake's e-mail I came home as fast as I could; a bus, a boat and a plan ride later I was here. I tried to call and tell them I was coming but I couldn't get through so I figured I'd just show up and figure out where I was sleeping later. It's so early that no one else is awake, I leave my bags downstairs and go upstairs quietly. Carefully opening the door to Clare's room, I tiptoe in and sit on the edge of the bed, I put a hand on Clare's arm and her eyes open instantly.

"Darcy?"

"Hey little sister," I smile and she sits up to embrace me. I embrace her back tightly. I didn't realize just how much I missed her until I was holding her. I've seen pictures in e-mails from her and Mom, we've video chatted a couple of times but seeing her in person I see just how much she's grown.

"What are you doing here?"

"Jake e-mailed, he told me what Eli did. I'm so sorry you went through that, it was so similar to what happened to me, it brought it all back. I also remembered how much I broke down when it was me, I don't want you to go through that too. To break down like I did and implode. So, I came home to be with you and help you through it if I can, I think it will help me in a way too," I confess.

"I'm really glad you're here," Clare says without letting go of me. For a few minutes I just sit there embracing her and stroking her back. It's not until I hear Mom's voice in the doorway that we break apart.

"Darcy!" Mom exclaims.

"Hi Mom," I smile letting go of Clare to hug Mom. While I'm hugging her Glen and Jake come out of their respective rooms and I greet them.

"You have no idea how glad I am that you're here. I don't know what to do for Clare and I'm worried. I'm not even sure she's going to come to my graduation ceremony this morning even though Eli won't be there," Jake whispers to me when our parents go downstairs.

"Let me talk to her," I reply with a knowing smile and putting a hand on my stepbrother's arm. Jake smiles with some relief and goes downstairs while I return to Clare's room and she's right where I left her. "I think you should see Jake graduate, Eli won't be there but I will be and I know Jake wants you there. I know it's hard to want to go out and be around people but you'll only make it worse trying to hide," I encourage her. She bites her lip and looks thoughtful for a moment.

"Okay," she nods and starts getting out of bed, "I'm going to shower."

While Clare showers and dresses I eat with the rest of the family but Clare says she's not hungry. Jake leaves a little early to get changed and the rest of us drive over in Mom's car. When we get to DeGrassi I see three boys smiling at Clare and they come over to us.

"Hey, you came, I'm glad to see you out of your room," one of the boys grins at Clare and one corner of her mouth turns up into a small smile.

"Thanks. Guys this is my sister Darcy. This is my best friend Adam; his brother Drew and their billet brother Dallas."

I wave to the boys and exchange hellos with them, we go inside and sit with the boys. Clare looks around the auditorium nervously and Adam puts his hand on her shoulder, she's still worried Eli will show up. I don't know which is worse not knowing who your rapist is and not remembering his face so you think it's everyone, at least for a while. Or knowing who your rapist is and having a history with them, feeling that depth of betrayal and worrying that he'll show up.

Clare never quite looks like she's completely settled or safe, she continues to glance around the room, and she doesn't smile at least not all the way. Still, she claps for everyone and does look proud when Jake crosses the stage and she comes with us to congratulate Jake when the graduates leave the stage.

"There's a party at Above the Dot," Adam tells us.

"You should go it's your graduation but I'm not up for it," Clare says to Jake.

"I'm going to take Clare with me anyway," I inform everyone, "that is if Mom doesn't mind lending me her car."

Mom just smiles and gives me her keys. Jake hugs us both and Clare hugs Adam, Drew and then Dallas. Clare and I walk out to Mom's car, I'm glad I slept on the plane or I'd be exhausted, actually I'm feeling a little jetlagged but I drive us down to the beach. We take off our shoes and walk through the sand a little before we sit down, burying our toes in the sand and looking out at the waves.

"I know why you broke down now, I feel like a part of me was ripped out and I'll never be whole again," Clare says.

Hearing the words, remembering how I felt after the realization that I had been raped, it comes back and I shiver. I put my arm around my little sister and hug her tightly. For a while we just sit there silently and then she cries for a bit while I hold her. When she's done crying we talk, we share everything with someone who understands. I tell her everything, everything I remember, everything I don't, everything I felt, how it's affected me since. When I'm done Clare tells me everything, we talk for hours, sharing things with each other that we never shared with anyone else. By the time we're done the sun has gone down.

"I think I'll text Adam and see if they're still celebrating," Clare tells me as we begin walking back to the car.

"Are you ready for that?"

"I wasn't a few hours ago but I am now, hiding in my room only made it worse. Nothing can ever take me back to a moment where it can be stopped so I have to find a way to move on. I still don't want to see Eli but I want to help Jake and the others celebrate. I may want to leave soon after we get there and I want you to be there with me."

I hug her with one arm and we get back into the car. Clare texts Adam and she reads his reply to me when he sends it, everyone is still at Above the Dot so I drive there. When we get upstairs it isn't hard to find Clare's friends and Jake. Everyone is glad that we came and she stays for a couple of hours before deciding she's ready to go home. Clare and I spend the rest of the night watching chick flicks and talking. We fall asleep on the sofa during our third movie and are woken up by Mom and Glen in the kitchen the next morning. We eat breakfast with the family and Adam calls inviting Clare, Jake and I to a beach BBQ that afternoon and Clare says she wants to go.

"Hey Clare," Dave calls to her running up to us when we arrive at the beach. I met him yesterday he's a nice kid and he's Chantay's cousin.

"Hi Dave," Clare smiles.

"I thought you'd want to know right away. Eli went to the police station and plead guilty this morning. He gave a statement and everything. Your lawyer will call you Monday probably about a plea deal but Eli will definitely do some time."

"Thanks Dave," Clare grins.

"Hey, you're here. You want something to eat? I'll get a plate for you," Dallas offers and Clare smiles.

"Yeah I am hungry," she says.

Dallas offers her his arm, Clare links her arm with his and they walk through the sand to the food. Jake and I walk down with Dave and I watch Clare with Dallas, he's very attentive with her and I can tell he likes her. He's sweet and caring, tosses her plate when she's done eating, as the sun begins to set they walk down to the water together and she takes his hand. For me it's the best sight I could see, my sister and a sweet and caring boy sharing a sweet and trusting moment watching the sunset. It's a small step to her life after rape, to trusting again, to having those feelings again and not being scared of them. I know it will take a lot more and longtime but looking at her with Dallas I know she's not going to lose it like I did. I know that she's back on the road to healing, and what's more I know that she knows it too.

 **Hope you enjoyed this one shot. Next updated will be** _ **You Believed in Me Let Me be Right for You.**_


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